"Militant clowns are sweeping the nation at an alarming rate.
What first appeared to be a huge, terrifying prank has turned into something much darker.
The creatures that haunt our nightmares have been popping up on campuses across the nation, and we’re no longer standing for it.
Earlier this week, fraternity men at TCU decided to brandish their irons and go out to find these menaces. Penn State and Oregon State have also gone hunting for these creatures in pancake makeup.
While a golf club is a highly effective means of personal defense (shout out Tommy Vercetti), it’s not the only one.
Here are some items you might have sprinkled around your residence in case of a clown emergency.
1. Hatchets, Mauls, or Tomahawks...
2. Molotov Cocktails...
3. Pledge Paddles...
4. Loose Stand Your Ground Laws...
5. Insane Clown Posse Music...
...Happy hunting, gentlemen.
Let’s show these painted freaks that fear never triumphs when pitted against a red-blooded American’s fighting spirit.
Next time one of these assholes is spotted, show them who’s boss.
Being a clown is a choice. Getting murked for it just comes with the territory.."
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