"Who doesn’t need some happy news once in a while with all the depressing news out in the world?
...But now for happy news: Charles Svatos, a 92-year-old Iowa man, just won the state’s “Lucky for Life” game, guaranteeing him $25,000 a year, for life!
Yeah, for life!
Just chew on that apiece, but don’t chew too long.
What does “for life” mean in this context anyway?
Now that I’ve chewed on it myself, this might be a depressing story.
...He should bite into life like a ripe fig and blow all his lottery winnings on cards, whiskey and a bunch of floozies.
...And some handmade Italian suits to wear while pursuing the affection of those young chicks in their late 80s at church socials.You’ll know them by their Jell-O molds.
They eat lots of Jell-O at socials in Iowa.
Yes, really.
Iowans are the most Jell-O-eating people in America.
They love Jell-O in all its forms.
They even have a Jell-O festival out there.
Just imagine them, elderly women giddy at Charlie’s approach, nervous as they listen to Neil Diamond hits such as “Cracklin’ Rosie” while shyly spooning out strawberry chiffon Jell-O for Svatos to enjoy.
Or maybe it’s that wretched lime-flavored Jell-O with the floating pineapple chunks.
Who the hell cares?
“Oh, that Mr. Svatos, he’s a wild one! Don’t let him corner you in the pantry!”
“Oh, Emily, you’re impossible!”...
Read on!
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