Thanksgiving for Dummies...Sorry, I Mean College Professors
"As every contemporary school child knows, the first Thanksgiving took place in 1621, when our Pilgrim forefathers took a break from slaughtering Indigenous Peoples to invite them to dinner and infect them with smallpox, before embarking on their mission to fry the planet so that the world would end on Jan. 22, 2031...
Consider this description of the Pilgrims' treatment of the Indigenous Peoples:
"They were the worst of conquerors. Inordinate pride, the lust of blood and dominion, were the mainsprings of their warfare; and their victories were strained with every excess of savage passion."
You've probably guessed -- unless you are an American college student -- that that's not a description of the Pilgrims' treatment of Indigenous Peoples at all.
It is a description of some Indigenous Peoples' treatment of other Indigenous Peoples, provided by Francis Parkman, the world's foremost Indian scholar.
It was Indians, not Pilgrims, who let out the "Mohawk war-cry" that made the blood run cold.
This is why the Wampanoag had a lot to celebrate that first Thanksgiving.
They were delighted to have such excellent (European) allies against the terroristic Iroquois and Narragansett.
The Pilgrims also had much to be thankful for.
Of more than 100 passengers aboard the Mayflower, only 44 survived the first winter, felled by scurvy, malnutrition and the bitter cold.
Even the ones who made it did so largely thanks to the friendly Wampanoag, who shared their food with the Europeans and taught them how to till the land.
...The warm relations between Pilgrims and the (mostly) gentle Algonquins doesn't fit the White Man Bad thesis that is the entire point of all history taught in America today.
In fact, as any sane, reasonable person can probably surmise: Some white men were kind, and some were cruel.
Some Indians were neighborly -- and some were bloodthirsty killers.
...Before the first European stepped off Mayflower, the Iroquois' genocidal wars against their fellow Indians had already depopulated large parts of New England.
..."Northern New Hampshire, the whole of Vermont and Western Massachusetts had no human tenants but the roving hunter or prowling warrior," Parkman writes.
The irony of the moron's version of Thanksgiving is that the brave and honorable attributes of the American Indian are drained from all the PC stories.
In the made-up history, Indians are only pathetic.
By contrast, the true story told by Parkman shows both the savagery and superstition, but also the courage and honor.
Thus, for example, the Hurons "held it disgraceful to turn from the face of an enemy when the fortunes of the fight were adverse."
As the Indian captive of the Iroquois was being tortured alive, Parkman reports, he raises his voice in "scorn and defiance."
How's that for machismo?
That's the reason we name our sports teams and military armaments after Indians.
It's a tribute to their honor, intelligence and bravery..."
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